Yeah, about the drinking ...

 So I guess every one of you guys has been drunk at least once in his life. But I don't mean a little drunk, I mean so drunk that you couldn't count how many times you puked. And yet you remember .. most of the things. Let me tell you something about being drunk - DON'T EVER DO THAT (again).

  First of all why do you do it? Just for fun, to forget, to drown the pain? Yeah ok, drink, it's natural and common, but don't get drunk. I know you have a good reason, everybody does (well except the alcoholics, but that's another story). I usually do it to drown the pain .. unsuccessfully,the only think that go under water is my dinner (or the last thing I had). 

  Another thing is that you embarrass yourself in front of your friends, and sometimes even some strangers. You do stupid stuff - like trying to lit a candle, which falls on you, and everyone get nervous, 'cuz maybe you would set them on fire. Or kiss your ex, or even having sex with him. Which you will regret later, I know. Sleeping randomly with some strangers. Puking on the floor. Falling. And my personal specialty - getting depressed and crying, without stopping. 

  Then you puke.

  Then you make full of yourself again. 

  Then you puke ... again ... and again ..

 ... and again ..

 and then you fall asleep on the toilet sit. 

Haha so drink, but don't get drunk it's my suggestion *wink* 

In my head

   I was making some thinking and I decided to share my thoughts with you...

   So have you ever watched a movie or series and thought "damn that girl/boy is just like me". Well I have. I think I'm much alike with Brook Davis from One Tree Hill and Chandler from Friends. Like Brooke I'm always miserable in love. All my friends have boyfriends (or girlfriends) and I'm the only one who's alone. But I'm not giving up on love, 'cuz I know some day it will find me just like it found Brooke. I mean when something awesome is happening to her, I know there is a chance that something nice could happen to me too. And Chandler is funny and weird, so am I. Haha also just like him I'm 18-years-old virgin, but lets hope this would change soon. So if anybody reads my blog, please tell me what are yours movie/series characters. =P

   Another thing I was thinking about is destiny and how much I hate her sometimes. I mean COME ON!!! How could she do this to us?! Today I saw (again) my net-services guy and I was like WOW. But I know I can't have him, 'cuz he's married with child.. and about 10 years older than me (but that last one doesn't bother me). So why does fate shows us such incredible creatures, when we can't have them?!?! How did I deserve that? What have I done?  

   I think that's all for now. See you soon bloggers.

What I had, what I need and what I want ..

  Damn I miss that feeling of safety. Only two people in this world have made me feel that way – my own mother and my first and (for now) only love. You’ll say “you’re only 18, what do you know about love?” well I know enough. I know how when he embraced me everything around me stopped, I felt safe, calm and loved. You know, I guess, what I am talking about. You know what is like to be in the arms of your beloved and nothing else matters. I want to feel that again. For 4 years I have been searching for the same thing, I try to find it in various people, different, good, bad, but... it’s never the same. Maybe for that matter my heart is crippled, unable to commit fully to someone, unable to love truly again and closed for other’s love. It’s sad that my friends tell me that everything’s gonna be just fine, not because I don’t trust them, but they don’t know how I really feel, how it hurts and how painful it is. If you know how I feel – you’ll understand me, if you haven’t felt that way – you’ll judge me, and if you’re not alone – you won’t even care. I just wanted to share my wishes, my needs, myself. I’m a memory of a loved person, a phantom searching his philter with hope and desire.

   I’m vexed only for one thing – the person I’m talking about will never know how I feel and what I felt about him, because for him everything was just infatuation and for me – everything.

The beginning

   So outside is raining, flashing, rumbling and thundering .. and of course my car's alarm is whining. So in that wonderfull night I decided to start a blog, another one, but this time in English, so I could share my pain, joy and urges with the world. haha i sound stupid, but who cares? The important thing is that I started it! Before I go to bed, let me tell you a few things about me: I'm young, disturbed and totally lost in life 18-years-old girl from Bulgaria (I'll talk about my lovely country soon), my prom is a week from now, and I don't know what's gonna happen to me next. All I know is that outside is raging a storm and I'm fuckin' scared, so I'm going to bed, hoping that I would go to sleep quickly.